I had a conversation the other day and, somehow, it got me thinking about which book characters I’d get to orchestrate the perfect bank robbery. There are some who are obvious, but I then discarded. James Bond for instance – always seems to take him a while to kill the bad guys. Dracula – he can turn into a cloud of smoke and has vampire strength, but would probably eat everyone before the heist was over.
It took some thinking, but I did get there in the end.
Edmund Dantès , the main character from Alexandre Dumas’ The Count of Monte Cristo. You’ve got to give it to the guy. He went into prison a simple merchant sailor and after six years of milling around doing nothing (not that there was anything else to do), and then 8 years of being educated by a fellow prisoner in languages, culture and science he breaks out. He breaks out of the 17thcentury human version of Azkaban, by himself. He finds himself the treasure of the Island of Mote Cristo and sets himself up to take down the people responsible for his unjust imprisonment. And, oh, he did it very well and without anyone knowing what he was doing until it was too late.
So Edmund is the inside genius. The one who lands an interview at the bank, aces it and starts working there on the Monday.
Rose Hathaway from Richelle Mead’s Vampire Academy Series. Aged 15 she broke herself and her best friend Lissa (a princess no less and the last of a family line) out of the academy they attended and kept her out of the sight of the authorities for 2 years before being found. Then aged 17 she went to kill her boyfriend Dimitri who’d been turned Strigoi (as dangerous ad Dracula, but less civilised). Dimitri is the best guardian in the world (dhampirs, half Moroi (mortal, magic wielding vampires) half human, are the guardians of the Moroi and protect them from Strigoi) and as a Strigoi has vampire strength and senses, is all but impossible to kill. She thought she’d done it, but the stake missed his heart. Then at 18 she broke into the Moroi’s most high security prison to break out one of the most dangerous criminals on the off chance he might give her information she needed. Then she was wrongly accused of treason and after her friends broke her out of jail she unearthed a secret that would allow Lissa to take her rightful place on the Moroi council. At the time she was the most wanted person in the vampire world.
She’s resourceful, dangerous, quick thinking, sassy and overcomes the odds every time despite her young age. Add into account that as she’s dhampir, she’d done martial arts/self defence classes since she was a child, knows how to use a gun and could probably MacGyver a bomb out of stuff you’d find in the kitchen and you’ve got yourself a person who can do pretty much everything you need once you’ve got control of the bank. Of course, she could probably mastermind it too, but she can’t be a genius all the time.
Dorina Basarab from Karen Chance’s Midnight’s Daughter series. Badass, dangerous and dhampir, though more vampire like than Rose – super speed, strength, sight, sense of smell and baby fangs. She’s the one who cleans up the messes other vampires dare not go near and she’d be able to hang around in the bank before it all went down unassuming looking as she is. (5” 3’ was above average height when she was born around the time of Vlad the Impaler, but is just kinda cute these days.) She also killed Dracula so you know, bad ass.
Cassie Palmer from the Cassandra Palmer series also by Karen Chance. She’s the Pythia, the person in the magical community charged with policing the time line. She’s clairvoyant so she can see forward and backwards in time and can spatial shift. There’s a door that Stark can’t open? No problem. Need an unseen spy? She’s got a ghost friend called Billy Joe. Shit hits the fan? That’s cool; she can take people back in time, she can freeze time for a few minutes, how helpful is that? She can also shift all the loot out of there so everyone can escape unencumbered.
Oh and she’s a demi-goddess.
Vin from Brandon Sanderson’s Mistborn trilogy. She has magic which is tied to the burning of metals. What can she do? Pull and push on metals allowing her to move them (handy for safe doors, I betcha) or use them as anchors so that she can leap through the air giving the impression of flying. She can increase her strength, her senses and soothe or riot others’ emotions. Basically she’ll be most useful when the hostages get all brave and plan a take back. She’ll make them think relax and calm down. If she can do that to the hostages, doing it on the police will be easier.
Game of Thrones’ Hodor. The sacrificial lamb who will hold the door closed so everyone can escape. Now, wait, before you think that’s too harsh and far too soon and you get angry with me, you’ve got time travelling demi-goddess, remember? Cassie can go back and get him before he dies.
Whilst she’s at it, she can do us all a favour and make it so the TV series writers and George R. R. Martin don’t kill him off.
Tony Stark (because comics count too) for anything computer related and he can get everyone out of there in a helicopter.
And with those guy you’re set! I mean, I don’t recommend breaking into a bank. But if I were going to and these people were real they’re the ones I’d want.