Before I get hammered into the dust, I shall go on record as saying, I love The Walking Dead. I haven’t seen season 6 yet, but there have been times when I’m watching seasons 1 through to 5 that quite frankly, I want to kick the TV in. TWD has been something of a revelation. I don’t go for zombie films and I really don’t care about gore films, and yet, TWD is utterly compelling. But here are 7 reasons why it drives me nuts, and yes, there may be spoilers ahead if you haven’t seen seasons 1 – 5 already.
1 – “Carl stay here”.
Initially Carl is a bit of a Cock Womble, and as soon as you hear the instruction “Carl stay here”, you know that’s exactly the opposite of what he’s going to do, despite “Walkers” out and about. It’s not like he hasn’t seen the bloody things either. The crowning glory moment of when I really wanted to see Carl get bumped off is the throwing stones at a walker scene. Seriously. WTF Carl. WTF.
2 – Walkers are attracted to light and sound.
Very early on we find out what attracts the attention of Walkers. Pick a season, any season, remember, noise bad, shiny things also bad. Pretty simple to understand. So why then DO WE END UP FUCKING SHOUTING IN THE WOODS AT NIGHT ARMED WITH TORCHES!? Anyone!?
3 – That beat up old RV.
So, I really liked the character of Dale Horvath, despite some of his meddling. Now America is single handedly responsible for “RV’s”, and in America, there are plenty of things like say, I don’t know, “Uncle Bob’s RV Emporium’s” around. Instead of having one that keeps breaking down, why didn’t they just nab a nice shiny new one from said emporium? They could have even armoured it a little. Plenty of video tutorials on this subject, I draw your attention to Mad Max, Tina Turner optional.
4 – Combine harvesters.
The walkers aren’t exactly quick. They take the most direct route possible with a bit of wobble here and there. Pretty much like a drunk aiming for a kebab shop. It isn’t pretty, but somehow in the end, they get there and it’s motivated by food of a sort. In World War Two, the UK fitted some Churchill tanks with giant flails. They’re a bit hard to get hold of, so Combine Harvesters. Armoured Combine Harvesters! It would be the slowest chase scene in history, but in Unreal Tournament terminology it would go from “Killing Spree” to “WICKED SICK” in the blink of an eye.
5 – Pits Rick, Pits.
Ok, Rick Grimes is pretty awesome, but seriously, why did he not dig some pits around the prison? It would be super efficient. Dig hole, walkers fall into said hole, kill walkers in hole, set fire to remains, fill in hole. Repeat. Instead we have little ropes tied at ankle level, presumably so that when the walkers tripped over it, it’s comrades could have a little chuckle at its expense, rolling their eyes.
6 – Merle Dixon.
Initially didn’t like Merle, but just as he’s about to redeem himself, failure. I actually wanted Merle to survive. Wait what, I wanted Merle to survive!? Oh dear god, what has TWD done to me. Neatly brings me onto point number 7.
7 – Game of Thrones body count
I liked T-Dog, oh wait, dead. I liked Beth, dead. I liked Hershel, dead. I liked Tyrese, also dead. Shane, oh wait actually, you can have that one. Who’s writing this bloody thing, George RR Martin!? List here – http://walkingdead.wikia.com/wiki/TV_Series_Characters
Now if you don’t mind, I’m off to pack ready for the Zombie Apocalypse, aka the election of Donald Drumpf.